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A Guy Goes Into A Gym

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Normal Weight

A guy goes into a gym and says to one of the personal trainers, “I’d like to lose some weight by exercising and proper dieting. Can you help?”

The trainer looks at the guy and asks, “How much do you weigh?”

The guy says, “I am 100 pounds overweight.”

The trainer asks, “What is your normal weight?”

The guy says, “50 pounds overweight.”

Self Help

A guy goes into a bookstore and asks the clerk, “Could you tell me where the Self Help section is?”

The clerk replies…

“Don’t you think that would defeat the purpose?”

New Year’s Resolution

A guy decided that he needed to make a New Year’s resolution to stop taking life so seriously. He appealed to God with the following prayer:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off. And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow. Help me to always give 100% at work: 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, 5% on Friday. And help me to remember: When I’m having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to take advantage of me, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger.

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