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A Guy Goes Into A Doctor’s Office

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Big Bucks

Jerry was removing some engine valves from a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Samuel Kaiser, who was standing off to the side waiting for the service manager. Jerry, who was somewhat of a loudmouth, shouted across the garage, “Hey, Kaise. Is dat you? Come over here a minute.”

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Jerry was working on the car. Jerry, in a loud voice that all could hear, said argumentatively, “So, Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at this work. I too take valves out, grind ’em, put in new parts, and when I’m finished, this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me are doing basically the same work?” Dr. Kaiser shook his head and replied in a soft voice, “Try doing your work with the engine running.”

Bad News

“I’m afraid I have bad news,” a doctor told his anxious patient. “You only have six months to live.”

The patient sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his composure he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance. “I can’t possibly pay you in that time.”

“OK,” the doctor said, “let’s make it nine months.”

Is My Time Up?

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near-death experience. Seeing God she asked, “Is my time up?” God answered, “No, you have another forty years, two months and eight days to live.”

Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit by a car and died immediately.

Arriving in front of God she demanded, “I thought you said I had another forty years – why didn’t you pull me out of the path of the car?”

God replied, “I didn’t recognize you.”

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